allAfrica.com: Nigeria: Cohabitation - A Deadly Trend in Tertiary Institutions (Page 1 of 1)

Government policy on students' hostel accommodation i.e. encouraging private developers may have its good side but from my observation, the inability of the institutions in expanding and building new hostels has forced several students to look outward for accommodation.

This has led to the emergence of an unacceptable trend in most tertiary institutions. Some call it campus marriage but I would rather call it "cohabitation" among students, since it's an indecent act perpetrated off campus.

Cohabitation is simply the act of a man and woman living together and having a sexual relationship without being married. This growing trend is gradually eroding the "near absent" level of morality among the youths. I would prefer to describe it as a deadly trend in Nigeria's tertiary institutions. Sometimes I wonder what kind of leaders my generation would produce, considering the saying "Youths are leaders of tomorrow".

The off campus phenomenon is mostly preferred by students in Nigerian tertiary institutions considering some genuine reasons like the poor sanitary condition in hostels and the overcrowding. However, most students have other selfish reasons of their own.

Taking a closer look on our campuses today, unmarried students do not only live together but some of them engage in sexual activities, among other things, which married couples do.

The reasons why students cohabit are not far fetched. Some students who bared their minds on these issues say it is by living together that the so called "couples" get to know if they are compatible or not for marriage, this they said is the reason why they take the period of living together as "husband and wife" as a period to test their compatibility.

While some cohabitating students find it difficult to live apart because of the strong physical intimacy between them, the addictive influence of sex over them makes them confuse sex for love. A relationship that has strong dependency on sexual intimacy makes it quite difficult for the 'couples' to respond positively to other problems that might test the strength of the relationship.

They begin to use sex as a way of convincing themselves that the relationship is moving fine. Instead of the sexual act being a life-affirming act of mutual love, it is becoming a life-destroying act of mutual or self-abuse.

Many a times the need for companionship and fear of loneliness becomes so strong among students that they begin to think they cannot wait for marriage before living together. This eventually leads to insecurity especially on the part of the ladies.

A student of University of Ibadan who lives with his girlfriend said 'It is not wrong; it is an opportunity for them to know each other better'. Other students who responded on this matter said they decided to cohabit for economic and financial reasons, among others.

In the sophisticated world of today where people have freedom to live their lives the way they choose, the youth, especially students, are not left behind in this trend as they express their freedom by living independently with fellow students of the opposite sex, outside the confines of marriage, particularly among those who live off campus.

Dr. Khalifa Ali Dikwa of the Department of English, University of Maiduguri, said during their time in school, 1981-1985, cohabitation did not exist among them. He said although there was social interaction, what they engaged themselves mostly in was in reading. In the end they had the best results and met their future partners from the university environment.

Abdulwahab Tajudeen Tiamiyu, a student of Ahmadu Bello University Zaria, said cohabitating entails the practice of two unrelated persons of opposite sex living together under marriage - without being legally married. This implies that cohabitating is now the model form of courtship, which apparently is on the rise among students living off campus. The students whose major purpose of coming to the tertiary institution is to acquire knowledge now combine "married life with academic life". The way they seriously pursue this new way of life is another puzzle entirely.

It is then becoming quite worrisome that students who live as 'husband and wife' are fond of getting unwanted pregnancies, an incidence that has contributed to the increased level of abortion among girls today despite early exposure to the use of contraceptives.

When a female student lives with her boy friend on campus, she is fooled into believing that the relationship will last forever. But the reality on ground often proves them wrong. The boys do undertake every domestic activity, like doing the laundry and dishes, often use the girls. The result is often very pathetic. After leaving school the boy not only dismisses the relationship, but may also leave her with an embarrassing and uncomfortable parting gift: an unwanted pregnancy or even HIV/AIDS and other STDs.

Recently, there was this story of a "couple" living together in one of the campus in the Federal Polytechnic Bida. They had a baby but lost the baby due to their inability to cater for the baby financially. Although it is very possible that campus relationship ends in marriage, think about how many of such relationships lead to marriage. Instead, it is a story of several heartbreaks after the other. The crux of my argument here is that most cohabitation ends on campus.

However, there is a lot more involved in cohabitation beyond the fun or passion of sex. Sex can bring more pains than you can imagine. In fact, casual sex is like placing your bedspread on the floor at the chicken house. Your bedspread will perpetually be soiled.

It is shocking that casual sex and cohabitation is now becoming one of the favourite subjects of the youths, you hear jokes about it from our campus girls or boys, even secondary school students, and we see it glorified in movies and television. They have become convinced cohabitation and sex is the only means to improve their love towards each other. On the other hand, young people who abstain from sex are seen as weird or branded as religious fanatics.

However, it seems cohabitation has so many disadvantages on us ladies that it is best if we maintain the virtues that make us unique as women. These are virtues of self-respect and decency. A beautiful woman is that woman with respect, love, kindness, a woman with ego, who knows when to drop it and when to keep it high. A woman with charisma, a woman who can sustain her personality, who knows how to acquire what she desires without throwing virtue, grace and personality at the feet of unworthy adversaries posing as lovers. A woman who is filled with excellence that radiates like a million stars from the eyes; a woman whose intelligence baffles and attracts many, who positively affects people morally, socially, academically as well as psychologically. A woman like that cannot cohabit with another in the name of the love.

I have seen successful relationships without cohabitation and sex that have been filled with respect and love. These are the kinds of relationships which last and endure forever. We need to put our heads and hearts together in order to find a lasting solution to this deadly trend of cohabitation.

Thaibat writes from the Department of Mass Communication, University of Maiduguri.

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